


in the middle of it all

by noirshitsuji



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, F/M, Forgiveness, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kakashi POV, Post-Series, Shippuden, Thoughts on Team 7, genin days, inner turmoil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-08-09 18:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20123236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noirshitsuji/pseuds/noirshitsuji
Summary: Kakashi breathed. Kakashi waited. Kakashi hoped.But he did not do all three at once.(Or, how Kakashi notices the parallels between his new team and his old one, and what that does to him.)





	in the middle of it all

**Author's Note:**

> You cannot tell me at least some of this isn't cannon(ish, because who knows what goes on in Kakashi's head). Credit goes to Dean Lewis' 'Waves' for the title and the lyrics below.

_It comes and goes in waves._   
_ It always does..._   
_ We watch as our young hearts fade_   
_ into the flood..._

* * *

His mental preparation barely withstood the sound of the kid’s laugh as his prank succeeded, and gave away completely at the first look he took of him. “Meet me on the roof,” he said, vanishing in an instant. Once up, he hunched over, clenching his stomach.

If the sky-blue eyes and the sun-like hair had knocked his breath away, the smile had been like a punch in the gut.

He straightened before they could ascend the stairs and sat down because he was willing to bet that once it came to introductions–

_ –“I will be the Hokage one day! Believe it!”– _

–and there it was.

He pushed down the bile rising in his throat as red hair and black eyes flashed before him, and he _ knew _ why the Third had done it, knew that he’d been watching him avoid the boy for years, always making sure to be on the opposite side of the village, always vanishing at the slightest peak of blond around the corner or whisper of _ demon-child _in the market.

He was trying to give him a path to forgiveness, but Kakashi would not allow himself to put out another sun, so he turned all of his attention on the Uchiha and _hoped. _

* * *

With her, he just waited.

She and Rin had almost nothing in common – except, of course, the bits that counted.

Because Kakashi could not ignore the very real attachment that blossomed beneath her shallow crush on the aloof genius, nor how her exasperation towards the loud brat gained more fondness as time went on. 

He watched her make the same choices, develop the same kindness, only she lived long enough to become proficient in her craft, for her love to become strong enough to exorcise (at least part of) the darkness in the aloof genius, and sometimes–

...sometimes he stared at her a bit too long when she wasn’t looking and the ‘what-ifs’ running through his head nearly overpowered him, but then she turned around and gave him an amused but sincere smile, and his heart broke and warmed just a little bit more and it was _enough. _

* * *

_ One cannot help anyone while being in need of help themselves. _

He must have heard that a thousand times in his lifetime, but he desperately wished that it wasn’t true, that this would work, that he wouldn’t let him fall into the darkness–

–but of course, sayings like the one above didn’t survive generation after generation being founded upon falsehood.

One day, though, soon after the third genin of Team Seven had left, he’d woken up after dreaming (once again) of past and present mistakes and felt angry_. _Not at the boy for leaving, but at himself.

And as he later looked at the blond and pink head in front of him, he vowed that he would do better by himself and finally, _ finally, _find a way to tame his own demons. If Kami had any sense of resounding justice, it would be enough – even if he wasn’t the one to bring him back, he would do his best to help the boy and girl in front of him do so.

Then he would be able to breathe again.

* * *

“The sight of them breaks your heart a little, doesn’t it,” Tsunade said, casually, as Sakura and Naruto slid out of the room to find Sasuke for their first mission together in seven years – their way of celebrating the Uchiha’s permanent return to the village. She pulled out a sake bottle and two glasses from her cabinet.

“Every day,” he smiled, accepting the drink she handed out to him. “In a good way now, though.”

She hummed, her eyes a bit glazed over, a small, sad, true smile tugging at her lips. “Yes, I suppose so,” she muttered.

So they sat there, silently toasting their ghosts, and Kakashi did not think it tragic at all.


End file.
